Sunday, July 1, 2012
Consequences of Failed Purity
Hmm, that's not what I meant...
Oh, wait, that's exactly what I meant.
It's exactly the way we as believers are meant to respond to God's loving leadership. No, I don't mean get naked. :) But kind of! We see power and beauty and care and intention by someone we trust and come to respect, and when our hearts are tuned to it, we respond by wanting to draw closer to it, become one with it.
With that in mind, levels of intimacy are meant to progress at the same pace. I never made the delineation before between my personal spiritual life and the spiritual life of my (at the time) boyfriend. So for the longest time, I let my spirit and emotions progress at their respective paces--fast and completely unchecked. I mean, that's what you're supposed to do when you date with Godly intentions, right?
No, it's really not. He was not yet mine and I was not yet his. That business happens FAST unless you deliberately guard your heart and take things slow. And you must, because the physical will inevitably follow. It HAS to--all three are meant to progress in concert. I did not understand this. It made perfect sense to my heart that desired oneness to let our hearts grow intimate while trying to just tame the physical.
Well, frankly, it made sense because I was 19 and a naive idiot who completely lacked common sense in this area...but it made sense nonetheless.
Within the first week of dating, we were already building spiritual intimacy. We prayed together, studied the Bible together, worshipped together, wrote spiritual goals for us as a couple down in a journal...it's no wonder our first kiss was a makeout session. I had placed him in my heart as my spiritual leader from the second we started dating, and my heart and body, in turn, wanted to respond to him.
We, unfortunately but not surprisingly, had sex outside the covenant of marriage. This had consequences I didn't see coming.
Remember how I talked about how women of God respond to men of God? Yeah, that trust and respect was gone.
Let me be clear: the decision to have sex was completely mine--my responsibility, my free choice, my action, and my sin. The trust and respect I lost was just as much in myself as it was him. We had to tell ourselves a lot of lies in order to make what we did feel okay:
"We're already married in our hearts."
"We're getting married someday anyway."
"It's not cheap because we love each other."
"Everything else is progressing, it only makes sense that this does, too."
"We can't undo what we've done, so we might as well keep going."
During that time, I was racked with guilt. I knew I had messed up and felt completely helpless to change the pattern we had established. I looked to the man I was going to marry for mutual remorse...but by this time, he didn't seem to have any. This was DEVASTATING to me. He seemed resigned to it in his heart. I felt like I had lost an ally. I found out much later that he was dealing with his own private battles at this time. But still, from this time on, it felt like we were on completely different pages spiritually...
Because we screwed up, got married, and never repented together over what we'd done. We just kind of figured that we were married and everything was okay and permissible now, so why revisit the past, especially since we weren't on the same page?
Our hearts don't work that way, though. Because of the trust and respect I lost in us that we never addressed through repentance and healing, we were constantly out of step. I don't need to go into details, but suffice it to say that sex isn't the joyous expression of covenant love and complete trust when you know you're not being delighted in.
I've realized since the divorce that God designed things to happen in a certain order for a reason. He knows the human heart and all of its propensities so intimately. Personally speaking, He knows my propensity to fall hard and fast out of a desperate desire to be delighted in. This is something He gave me as a gift...but it's ultimately a longing to be delighted in eternally. Something that can only be filled by Someone who eternally delights in me...and also in the committed covenant relationship of a man who experiences and understands the same eternal longing.
Let me be clear again: I don't begrudge anyone a rough story. I've made (and make) considerable mistakes. But, church, the second your significant other says, "We're already married in our hearts," run for the hills. I mean it. Because if you really love me, you'll desire to protect my purity before God...emotionally, spiritually, AND physically.
Repentance is what marks a believer. Repentance is attractive. Get you some.
Friday, June 29, 2012
A Heart Divided and a Divine Crescendo
Part of my personality gets disproportionately excited about things way in advance. I pack for trips at least a week ahead of time, even if I have to wear the clothes I packed and wash/repack them. I make countdowns before I have plans finalized. I make theme songs in my head with memory montages of what I think this experience will be like, whatever it may be.
Waiting for me in Phoenix are friendships to be made and renewed, grad school, living in the same city as my family after 7 years of living apart, exciting ministry opportunities at church, and probably all other kinds of crazy business. Who wouldn't be stoked?
Don't get me wrong--where I am is fine...great, even! It's fun or challenging or hard or whatever it needs to be. But it's not whatever's is coming next...because whatever's next SURELY is going to be more life-giving than the present, right? Surely whenever I get THERE, I'll understand God's will/have finally made it/be awesome/be on the right track/have graduated/be a grown up/whatever.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Real/Raw Milk
First, a general statement that seems to be the consensus of what I've read: raw milk and raw milk products are kind of difficult to find and kind of inconvenient to transport and keep, but the health benefits are so great that they're worth the inconvenience.
What makes milk so awesome in general?
It's complete.
~Cow's (and other mammals') milk, much like breast milk, is nutritionally complete. It's a good source of complete protein, contains all of the essential amino acids in the right amounts, contains carbohydrates for energy and a good balance of fats.
~Milk is made for growing babies, and therefore it contains everything required to digest and absorb its nutrients. The fats in it are necessary to digest its protein and absorb its calcium.
~It contains potassium, vitamins C and B, and especially B12, which is found only in animal food.
Those complete, absorbable vitamins and minerals do a body good..
~Weston Price, the dentist I mentioned a couple posts ago who traveled the world studying different cultures' diets, noted that cultures who drank milk received more calcium and phosphorus, and this resulted in stronger teeth, less tooth decay, a more handsome facial structure and less plaques and cavities.
~It contains vitamin A for healthy skin, eyes, bones and teeth, vitamin D for the body to absorb the calcium and phosphorus, Riboflavin for healthy skin, eyes and nerves, Niacin for growth and development, Vitamin B6 to build body tissues and prevent heart disease, Vitamin B12 for healthy red blood cells, nerves and digestion and to prevent heart disease, Folic Acid for healthy red blood cells and prevention of birth defects and heart disease, Magnesium, Phosphorus and Calcium for strong bones and teeth, and Zinc for tissue repair and growth.
A disturbing thing I've found...not all milk is equal. Not even close.
Traditional/Raw Milk vs. Industrial Milk--It's all about the cows!
~Traditional milk comes from pastured cows who eat fresh grass and, occasionally, hay. It is raw, unhomogenized and unpasteurized (I'll explain what those mean later). It's free of synthetic hormones.
~Industrial milk comes from cows typically raised indoors and fed mostly a corn, grain and soybean ration, often with a dose of synthetic hormones to boost milk production. It's pasteurized and homogenized. All of these descriptors are problematic.
The Ills of Industrial Milk
~Cows' bodies do their best stuff (make all those awesome nutrients absorbable for us) when they get the diet they were meant to have--grass and hay. Grain/soy/corn-fed cows develop acidic stomachs, which creates the perfect breeding ground for pathogens and doesn't allow the lactic acid (milk's own way of naturally killing the bad bacteria) to form.
~Factory farms are breeding grounds for disease.
~Because of the advent and progress of the booming dairy industry, milk can now be handled in bulk, transported over long distances and has a longer shelf life. Pasteurization has made this possible. Milk is sterilized and bad bacteria is killed. Unfortunately, though, so is just about everything that makes milk worth consuming.
~Pasteurization is a form of sterilization (originally meant for beer and wine) accomplished by heating the milk to certain temperatures. For those of you who remember Biology 101 and 102, enzymes and beneficial bacteria need to maintain a certain temperature in order to remain alive and do their jobs. Pasteurization is an attempt to destroy certain pathogens (salmonella, E. Coli, etc) and bad bacteria. (71)
~Pasteurization destroys folic acid, vitamins A, B6 and C. It inactivates the enzymes required to absorb the nutrients in milk: lipase (to digest fats), lactase (to digest lactose), and phosphatase (to absorb calcium). It creates oxidized cholesterol, alters proteins and damages beneficial omega-3 fats. While it does destroy the bad bacteria initially (and the good...major bummer), it can be contaminated at any point after pasteurization. Also, this idea of a "guaranteed sterilization" has had an off-putting effect on the hygiene and practices of dairies who have become less likely to keep up with cattle health and sanitary milk handling. (74)
~Homogenization is a process that forces the milk and cream (which naturally rises to the top) to be blended together. Milk is pumped through pressure through a fine mesh to break up the fats into tiny globules. While originally developed to emulsify margarine (NOT a real food), it mostly made things more convenient on dairies--separating milk and cream takes time, and time is money. It also evenly distributes those nasty dead white blood cells that would sink to the bottom after pasteurization (eww). It breaks up delicate fats, ruins flavor and causes milk to sour more quickly. (75-76)
The Virtues of Raw Milk:
~With raw milk, the above list that answers the question "what makes milk so awesome" remains untouched, true and intact! Industrial milk makes a lot of the awesome stuff on that list obsolete.
Also....
~While pasteurization attempts to kill pathogens and bad bacteria, raw milk is actually designed to do that for itself (I love that!)!
"When left alone in raw milk, the good bacteria kill off harmful bacteria which may taint milk during handling...by pastuerizing milk we turn it into the ideal medium for dangerous bacteria." (78)
~Raw milk contains heat-sensitive folic acid and vitamins A, B6 and C.
~Raw milk contains important heat-sensitive enzymes: lactase to digest lactose; lipase to digest milk fats; phosphate to absorb calcium.
~Raw milk has beneficial bacteria, including lactic acids, which live in the intestines, aid digestion, boost immunity and eliminate dangerous bacteria. (79)
Other tidbits....
Whole milk? What about all that fat?
~Raw milk is whole, with the cream on top. The flavor is in the fat. But for those who are more concerned about nutrition than flavor, the butterfat in milk helps the body digest the protein, and our bones need the milk's saturated fat to lay down calcium. The cream in whole milk contains the fat-soluble vitamin D. Without Vitamin D, less than 10% of dietary calcium is absorbed!
~I could go on for a long time here, but I'll have another post dedicated solely to fats. For the time being, take my word for it that the fat in raw milk is extremely beneficial, NOT detrimental.
What about skim milk? We don't need all that fat, right?
From what I understand, the fats in the milk are as essential as the vitamins and minerals themselves. Skim and 2% milk have had so much of their nutrients stripped that they have to be fortified with synthetic Vitamins A and D, which have been suggested to be toxic in excess.
A philosophical query...are humans supposed to drink milk from other animals?
This has never really been an issue for me. But as a short answer to this question, I'll say that I don't think it's a helpful question. Supposed to? I don't know. Is it good to? I think yes. I don't really feel equipped to answer whether it's "natural" or not to drink milk from another animal. I will say that I find it encouraging that my body can reap so many benefits from drinking milk since animals can convert a lot of unusable plants to beneficial vitamins and nutrients. If I can do that without harming or causing detriment to the animal I'm taking it from, then I think it's fine. That may feel like an incomplete answer, but that's the best I've got at this point.
Looks like I'll be hitting up a dairy for real milk sometime soon! If your interest is piqued and you want to investigate it as well, here's a place that lists raw milk dairies near you!
http://www.realmilk.com/where2.html
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
My First Real Meal
I found the recipes on a real-food site recommended to me by a dear real-foodie friend,
www.NourishedKitchen.com. You can find all the recipes I used under the "Recipes" tab.
I made the Moroccan Roasted Chicken...
The Green Beans with Shallots and Bacon...
And then (not from the site) my own little smashed fingerling potato yumminess...
For the smashed potatoes, boil them until just about fork tender, drain and cool them, then smash them with the palm of your hand slightly to make them uniformly flat.
Heat a couple tbsp of olive oil, two whole garlic cloves and a few shakes of red pepper flakes in a skillet until garlic is just starting to brown, then remove garlic. Add potatoes, salt and pepper to skillet and saute on both sides until golden brown and crispy.
It's delightful, doesn't take nearly as long as roasting them in the oven, and is way more interesting than straight up mashed potatoes. A lovely side, indeed.
I've also been enjoying a breakfast most mornings this week of homemade whole-wheat bread with fresh, unhomogenized whole-milk mozzarella. Real food is the goooooood.