My Home is in my Head: A Demeanor of Hospitality

"My home is in my head."
I borrowed the line from Bob Marley. It'll make sense, you'll see.

The subject of hospitality is generally taught on in terms of the home. We often think about it as welcoming people in, giving them a safe place to stay, making our resources available to them.
Here, have a quiche!
Here, have my clothes!
I'd love to bring your family food since y'all just had a baby!
Hey, come stay in my back house til you get on your feet!
Why, yes, I'll donate to your mission trip!

That's usually where the discussion ends--stewarding our tangible resources in a way that serves the Kingdom.
It's brilliant! And definitely countercultural since postmodern society revolves around the self.

But is that all?
I think we are prodded to take it a step further.
Or...five steps further.

Yes, hospitality includes our tangible resources and the roofs over our heads. God's resources are on loan to us to be stewarded for His Kingdom. And in our earthly homes, we can create an environment where He is glorified and people are served.

BUT...hospitality goes way beyond that. It goes past the home and straight to where our dwelling place exists all the time--our hearts.
Especially considering that Christians are aliens in a foreign land, our residence is in our hearts, not just our homes.

This isn't just your home or your stuff or your time. IT'S YOUR VERY PRESENCE.


Colossians 3:12-17
"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,
bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive.
And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body.
And be thankful.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly...and whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."

"Let the word of Christ dwell in your richly." For us to be hospitable/empowering/engaging/loving with our presence, we must exude God's love. To borrow a line from a dear friend...we must ooze life. This is brought about by a deep contentment with the Father.


Sooooo what even does this look like? Sounds vague.

If Christ accepts us as we are with all of our mess and beauty and filth and greatness...just as we are...we should strive as believers to have deeply engrained in our personalities a message that people are free to be themselves.

If we aren't giving people permission to be themselves around us, the stewarding of our resources falls on deaf ears and blind eyes...because while we're telling them they can be safe and at home with us, our way of interacting with them sends an entirely different message.

Think about people you're awkward around.
People you feel like you have to perform for.
People you don't know what to talk about with.

Be honest with yourself. Do people feel that way about you?

If we want genuineness and openness in our relationships, we have to start somewhere. We're going to get nowhere fast if we're not free to be real.

What are you doing to empower people with your presence? If people tend to shrink away or not know where they stand with you, you may be doing something with your countenance or words that is not permitting them to be at home.

Some self-checks:
1. Do you draw others into discussion?
Or do they get the impression that they are going to be verbally pummeled for disagreeing with you?
Are you communicating in a way that shows that you have a humble view of yourself and a respect for those you're discussing with? How highly do you value your opinion over others'? (this is a good check for exhorters such as myself)
(Romans 12:3..."I say to every man among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think...")

2. Do you initiate?
As a believer, we bear truth and the reality of the gospel. We have every ability to enter a room or a conversation with confidence in who we are. We don't acclimate to the tone of the room...we set it. Those with the information are the motivators, the vision-casters, the starters. The thermostats in the room full of thermometers, if you will
(I Peter 2: 9..."But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light)

3. Do you facilitate open communication?
This goes hand-in-hand with initiating.
Something beautiful I've witnessed after 5 years of living in the South is that people REALLY know how to make an introduction. A firm handshake, a smile, and a formal introduction of all new people and the relationships that they represent.
The family I live with here in Dallas is the epitome of Southern hospitality. I'm talking sweet tea always in the fridge, sweet southern drawls, the works. I now know when they introduce me to someone, it's no, "Stephanie, this is Bob." It's, "Stephanie, come meet my friend Bob..." I am not only going to know Bob's name...I'm going to know what he does, where he went to school, where he lives, how he know our common friend introducing us, and probably a story about their relationship.
I adore that!

4. Do you ask people questions?
Being known and knowing people.
People won't believe that you give a crap about their story if you don't ask questions.

The way we communicate matters...greatly.
If we can't be winsome, we're only a resounding gong (I Corinthians 13:1).
(I'm not talking about making Truth palatable. I'm talking about welcoming people in and being open with your life...where you can then safely and effectively discuss Truth)


Christ compels us to come. He dwells in our hearts. Our hearts should be continually drawing others into our presence where they can, hopefully, get a glimpse of Christ's love and transformative power.

So let's review....
Hospitality: inviting others into your life (not just home) so they can experience the love of Christ.

Let's give each other permission to be who we are and where we're at. 

What is your presence, demeanor, way of communicating telling others about the character of God?