Two years of music.
two years of sign language.
two years of art school.
two years of political science...
250 credits...
one Interdisciplinary Studies degree.
I've come up with all kinds of darling little quips to disguise my shame in taking eight years to complete an undergrad degree.
"It's okay, I'm the most well-rounded person you will ever meet. "
"I just wanted to make sure that I was extra prepared for grad school."
"It's a great boost to the ego when all the 20-year-olds to think that I am one of them."
Since childhood I've been designated as smart. I'm decently eloquent. I can write good papers with little effort. I adore reading and can argue circles around lots of people.
One conversation with me, though, and it's pretty obvious that Ireasonably appreciate completely idolize intelligence. I get defensive when people laugh if I don't know something, I try to cover up my ignorance, and I feel personally threatened when not taken seriously. (Gross. Heart.)
Welp, the Lord (in His hilariously amazing timing) decided to speak into my heart with a megaphone right on the cusp of my participating in a ceremony that would serve as a monument to my intelligence.
What did He say to me? I'll get to that shortly. First, follow me for a minute here:
God has commanded His people from the beginning of creation to build altars to Him.
The Old Testament is FRAUGHT with God's people building altars.
They sacrifice.
Something dies.
They repent of their sins.
They remember God's faithfulness.
This case is especially poignant:
"So Jacob said to his household and to all who were with him, 'Get rid of the foreign gods you have with you, and purify yourselves, and change your clothes. Then come, let us go up to Bethel, where I will build an altar to God, who answered me in the day of my distress and who has been with me wherever I have gone'." (Genesis 35:2-3)
The Old Testament describes the sacrifices the Jews were instructed to make in great detail, and the Lord describes these sacrifices for the sins of the people not just as pleasing to Him, but, particularly, as aromatic. The fragrance of atonement is pleasing to Him.
Seriously, just thumb through Exodus, Leviticus, and Numbers.
Offerings of atonement on an altar are "a pleasing aroma to the Lord." (See a billion places in Exodus 9, Leviticus and Numbers, Ezekiel, etc)
(I promise this is going somewhere. And it's going there now. :) )
With this thought of offerings that are pleasing and aromatic and fragrant to the Lord, II Corinthians absolutely floored me:
"For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing." (II Cor. 2:15)
WE are the aroma...the sacrifice.
This makes perfect sense, after all, we're to "offer our bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God..." (Romans 12:1)
So...
Commencement is a benchmark.
It demands that an institution, other subsequent institutions, places of employment, family, and friends, recognize and commemorate what I've done and strived for. It's a celebration that I've passed tests, written papers, and received grades that will somehow boost my likelihood of success in life...whether in the kind of job I get, how I think, or how much more school I want to pursue.
Thing is...my graduation is not representative of what I've done nearly as much as it is what the Lord has done.
The years that I've chased this degree have seen my faithfulness as Jesus' spouse wax and wane.
I've vacillated between motivated and unmotivated, diligent and lazy, crystal clear and directionless.
My time in the Word has varied from consistent and transformative to sparse and utilitarian.
My relationships have been characterized by beauty and intention as much as they have dysfunction and separation.
My heart and mind are everything BUT consistent.
Whether I've known it or not, the truth is that I've looked to intelligence to give me value, to set me apart, to merit recognition, to look for (dare I say) redemption for my unstable and ever changing affections.
What I'm really doing, then, isn't just wanting recognition for my intelligence.
I'm settling for a works-based salvation.
I'm letting my deepest needs to be known and loved be filled by a shallow substitute. I become willing to settle for a false gospel...one that relies on the value of my works that can somehow be judged valuable or dispensable by others humans.
No idol can ever EVER offer redemption.
Only Jesus can.
So yes...today I get to take part in commencement, shake hands, receive hugs, take pictures, and hear my name called.
But I will remember and commemorate this place...
this place where He was faithful.
His wisdom was inscrutable.
His love was perfect.
His heart never changed.
And I will lay my idol of intelligence on the altar of His son's death, present my intellect as a living sacrifice, and rejoice that He loves me enough to use me even in my flagrant pride.
Oh, and here's what He said to me: build me an altar, and lay your intelligence on it, because I've been faithful to you.
"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession (procession! this graduation metaphor is too perfect...) in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of Him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ...
Are we beginning to commend ourselves again? ...you show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.
Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. (This part wrecks me...) Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant--not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life."
(II Corinthians 2:14-3:6)
One conversation with me, though, and it's pretty obvious that I
Welp, the Lord (in His hilariously amazing timing) decided to speak into my heart with a megaphone right on the cusp of my participating in a ceremony that would serve as a monument to my intelligence.
What did He say to me? I'll get to that shortly. First, follow me for a minute here:
God has commanded His people from the beginning of creation to build altars to Him.
The Old Testament is FRAUGHT with God's people building altars.
They sacrifice.
Something dies.
They repent of their sins.
They remember God's faithfulness.
This case is especially poignant:
"So Jacob said to his household and to all who were with him, 'Get rid of the foreign gods you have with you, and purify yourselves, and change your clothes. Then come, let us go up to Bethel, where I will build an altar to God, who answered me in the day of my distress and who has been with me wherever I have gone'." (Genesis 35:2-3)
The Old Testament describes the sacrifices the Jews were instructed to make in great detail, and the Lord describes these sacrifices for the sins of the people not just as pleasing to Him, but, particularly, as aromatic. The fragrance of atonement is pleasing to Him.
Seriously, just thumb through Exodus, Leviticus, and Numbers.
Offerings of atonement on an altar are "a pleasing aroma to the Lord." (See a billion places in Exodus 9, Leviticus and Numbers, Ezekiel, etc)
(I promise this is going somewhere. And it's going there now. :) )
With this thought of offerings that are pleasing and aromatic and fragrant to the Lord, II Corinthians absolutely floored me:
"For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing." (II Cor. 2:15)
WE are the aroma...the sacrifice.
This makes perfect sense, after all, we're to "offer our bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God..." (Romans 12:1)
So...
Commencement is a benchmark.
It demands that an institution, other subsequent institutions, places of employment, family, and friends, recognize and commemorate what I've done and strived for. It's a celebration that I've passed tests, written papers, and received grades that will somehow boost my likelihood of success in life...whether in the kind of job I get, how I think, or how much more school I want to pursue.
Thing is...my graduation is not representative of what I've done nearly as much as it is what the Lord has done.
The years that I've chased this degree have seen my faithfulness as Jesus' spouse wax and wane.
I've vacillated between motivated and unmotivated, diligent and lazy, crystal clear and directionless.
My time in the Word has varied from consistent and transformative to sparse and utilitarian.
My relationships have been characterized by beauty and intention as much as they have dysfunction and separation.
My heart and mind are everything BUT consistent.
Whether I've known it or not, the truth is that I've looked to intelligence to give me value, to set me apart, to merit recognition, to look for (dare I say) redemption for my unstable and ever changing affections.
What I'm really doing, then, isn't just wanting recognition for my intelligence.
I'm settling for a works-based salvation.
I'm letting my deepest needs to be known and loved be filled by a shallow substitute. I become willing to settle for a false gospel...one that relies on the value of my works that can somehow be judged valuable or dispensable by others humans.
No idol can ever EVER offer redemption.
Only Jesus can.
So yes...today I get to take part in commencement, shake hands, receive hugs, take pictures, and hear my name called.
But I will remember and commemorate this place...
this place where He was faithful.
His wisdom was inscrutable.
His love was perfect.
His heart never changed.
And I will lay my idol of intelligence on the altar of His son's death, present my intellect as a living sacrifice, and rejoice that He loves me enough to use me even in my flagrant pride.
Oh, and here's what He said to me: build me an altar, and lay your intelligence on it, because I've been faithful to you.
"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession (procession! this graduation metaphor is too perfect...) in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of Him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ...
Are we beginning to commend ourselves again? ...you show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.
Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. (This part wrecks me...) Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant--not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life."
(II Corinthians 2:14-3:6)
