So. Most people who have talked to me for more than ten minutes over the past 8 months have heard me say the phrase, "I got to learn a lot about God's heart through the divorce and all the crap I went through."
Or something more eloquent than that. (Not likely.)
It occurred to me recently, though, that I haven't gone into any detail at all about what I actually learned.
Because I'm lame.
Let's call it...divine omnibenevolence amnesia. Or the forgetsy oopsies.
PLEASE forgive my lack of witness. Time to testifyyyyyyy! *waves hand in the air*
What I've Learned on God's Heart:
1. He wants me to understand who He is vastly more than what He does.
Frankly, you can't become like someone you don't personally know. The goal isn't to become like some interesting construction of Christ based on collective opinion or cultural Christianity. The only way to really become like Him is to experience Him as He ACTUALLY is. Not just talking about or understanding the value of Him drawing close to me...but actually DOING it.
I mean, I can end up having similar attributes to someone by happenstance (both Lebron and I might be competitive, for example...), but to become like someone who is wholly unlike us in every way takes an enormous amount of intentional time and study.
Knowing Him...spending disciplined time in the Word, letting prayer become a posture and a continuous internal dialogue rather than a quip said before meals and bedtime, and taking time to really open myself up to who He wants to reveal Himself as (rather than who I've constructed Him to be) has changed everything.
~John 17:3 And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.
2. He really, really hates sin.
We kind of talk about this vaguely in the church...but as I've spent more time intimately involved with Him and asking Him to let me feel what He feels, I've definitely experienced more of a righteous indignation over my own sin.
He deeply hates sin. He hates it because He knows the end from the beginning. He knows precisely how the selfish decisions I make destroy my relationships, the lies I tell violate people's trust in me, the immaturity I exercise crushes my example, and the foolishness I partake in undermines the church's credibility and makes a joke of my witness.
He hates sin because He can't commit it, because it's a violation of His character, and we are never more unlike Him than when we are engulfed in ourselves and entrenched in sin.
Spending more time abiding with Him directly results in a greater awareness of the Holy Spirit's presence...and the Spirit's convicting work is BRUTAL when my heart proceeds in rebellion.
He hates when I sin, and He lets me feel it.
~Psalm 5:4 ...evil may not dwell with you...
~Psalm 11:5-6 The Lord tests the righteous, but his soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence. Let him rain coals on the wicked; fire and sulfur and a scorching wind shall be the portion of their cup. (daaaang, Jesus...)
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3. He delights in us.
I hesitate to say this a bit, because experience is pretty subjective...but palpably feeling God's approval is pretty stinkin' exciting.
It's kind of like when you study really hard and get an A, or when you surprise a loved one with a gift and they love it as much as you thought they would...only it's a dozen times better, because the approval He gives us is entirely unmerited by us.
Like I mentioned in point #1, knowing Him means spending time and abiding with Him. As we become more in tune with His Spirit, it's kind of like we start to do life together with Him. He experiences things along with us (He's not temporal like we are, but He has experienced life as a human and understands...is what I mean). So when He feels things, if we're abiding in Him, we feel them, too. And just like I feel His anger over my sin, I also feel His joy as his daughter.
I've been struck lately by how multidimensional His emotions are...that He knows what's going to happen and yet STILL delights in it once it does happen. For most of us, knowing the surprise ruins the joy of it. Knowing the end takes the delight out of the process. He, however, is not robbed or depleted of joy even though He knows every act of obedience we will ever commit.
He's just that awesome. :)
~Psalm 149:4 For the Lord takes pleasure in His people. He will beautify the humble with salvation.
If you haven't noticed, I've quoted a lot of Psalms. David, the author of the Psalms, is referred to as the man after God's own heart. Who better to speak on God's heart than one who is reputed for most diggin' on that business??
Good golly!!! I could write way more on this.
But I'm trying to get better about my disgustingly long posts.
So for now... I'm kid-on-christmas-morning thankful over who He is, His righteous anger, and His deep and constant delight.
